How long do you have to suffer? A way out of ancestral patterns and self-limitations

  • Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching

**Heads up, you may be offended by this post. Stop right now if you are feeling extra sensitive. AND know that I am writing this because I love you and I love humanity and want us to be better.**

I was at a volleyball tournament for my 13 year old this weekend and witnessed some great volleyball from the girls and many negative traits that were brought to the surface with the competition. It was all rather illuminating. Let me explain.

As humans, we are born into this world with not only our own karma, but the karma, patterns and traits of our family, ancestors, and society.

I observed one parent being hard on her daughter because that was how she was brought up (so she is perpetuating the harshness).

Coaches that encouraged poor sportsmanship so they could intimidate their opponents and win.

Others who cheated in retaliation of a misunderstanding that they had no interest in sorting it out with any sort of mutual respect.


Human nature is interesting.

Be aware of your predisposition

Whether you are dealing with the stories of your own ancestors, how you were raised or the unfair treatment of your people, you are trained to believe certain things are real, when in reality they may or may not be. Yet, because you believe them, they feel real.

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching Academy

For example, my ancestors have been in constant motion since we can trace them! First migrating through Europe to England, then to America and continuing on west in search of better farmland. Not an easy job before irrigation (and, well, still not an easy job).

This morning as I was pondering all this, I felt my ancestors sharing with me that they kept moving because they kept being blamed for natural disasters like droughts, poor harvests, harsh winters, etc. Because they were the newcomers, it must have been their fault. Eventually they felt like they weren’t wanted, didn’t belong and kept moving. Exhausting and unfair.

Here are a few other examples:

If you are Jewish you feel the need to create safety even at the cost of living fully because of the Holocaust and perpetual persecution throughout history.

African Americans see through the lens of pain their ancestors experienced through slavery across the world.

Native Americans, I found out this weekend, fear white women touching their children for fear that they will be stolen from them.

No matter what you, your family, or your ancestors have gone through (cause we have all gone through trauma at varying levels) YOU have the ability to keep indulging in the pain and suffering or choose to rise above the pain and suffering to grow and heal.

No EMS for ancestral trauma

This ancestral suffering is not something that anyone can rescue you from. No fireman is coming to save you from the burning anger inside you. No doctor can surgically remove the tumor of anger and fear you are holding onto.

YOU have to choose a better path and to see the world as it actually is rather than continuing to look through a lens of past pain and fear.

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching Academy

I am absolutely not discounting any pain anyone has suffered. Those things happened and were real. You can learn from them.

The question I’m asking you today is:

Will you keep living from fear that it will happen again or will you choose to live from love and learn to grow and heal from the past?

Me personally, I’ve decided that it is part of my dharma (my life’s purpose) to end the negative cycle of my ancestors’ fears and beliefs and to live beyond those limitations.

I don’t want my children having to carry that burden. I bet you don’t either.

Our kids don’t need to feel like they have to be perfect to be accepted, to fear false accusations, to feel like danger is just around the corner, to never feel good enough and to believe that working their ass off is the only way to get ahead.

What you focus on grows

The truth is, what ever you focus on grows, positive or negative.

If you focus on safety over all else, you are focusing on all the terrible things that could happen. Guess what? One of those things will come into your life eventually.

If you feel like you are undervalued and even feared because of your skin color or your gender, you will likely find yourself with a boss who doesn’t appreciate you and people who don’t understand you.

If you feel like you are justified in your anger and aggression because of one small misstep from a stranger who tapped a child on the shoulder, you are teaching your children to continue the cycle of fear and hatred.


All of these things have one thing in common: FEAR.

Fear has a couple acronyms:

  • False Evidence Appearing Real
  • Forget Everything And Run
  • Finding Excuses and Reasons
  • Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality
  • Face Everything And Rise

Nobody ever taught you that you can choose the meaning you give to fear. It isn’t automatic failure, or an obstacle put on your path to prevent you from being great, it is an indicator that you are ready to face it and grow—but only if you choose to. Otherwise, fear wins every time.

How fear keeps you small

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching Academy

When living out of fear you tend to react automatically to the experiences of life rather than bringing in conscious awareness and love to the situation.

Fear = automatic reaction.

Love = conscious response.

You get to choose.

It may feel like you don’t have a choice right now. And, yet love is there, waiting for you to call upon its strength, wisdom, and light.

Are you starting to see that the suffering you endure is primarily self-inflicted because of the lens you look through?

Honestly. How much more do you feel like you must suffer to make it right?

Do you really think you can heal through suffering? Through beating yourself and others up? For blaming and shaming?

You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking and energy that started it (or has perpetuated it for eons).

The wild and crazy path of love

I know it sounds a little wild and crazy to believe you don’t have to continue the cycle and all it takes is some conscious awareness (i.e. seeing a bigger picture), and love to heal. But it is TRUE!

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching Academy

It often feels impossible because our family and friends are stuck in the same damning patters you are stuck in. In the end, they aren’t the best resource for getting out of these patterns.

They mean well and generally want to keep you safe and part of the group (you know the old saying “misery loves company”) so they will tell you how justified you are in your vengeance and rage. They’ll tell you its all the other persons fault, and they’ll keep you small and uncomfortable in your comfort zone.

Until YOU choose to be better.

YOU choose to end the negative cycles you’ve been stuck in. That you see other people stuck in.

YOU have the power to choose a new path forward that holds far more possibilities than you ever thought possible.

YOU have the power to be the light that inspires others to get out of their own way and see life through the lens of love.

YOU can choose love over fear.

YOU can accept the discomfort you are experiencing and YOU can embrace your light to get through it.

Love truly is limitless. Fear is what keeps you small.

Fear divides. Love unites.

Next steps

Your best next step is to start identifying fear and its ability to manipulate and control you from the shadows.

Blog by Mindy Arbuckle SOULutions Coaching Academy

Call it out into the light of love.

Be kind and gentle with yourself as you begin to explore a new way of being.

When in doubt, breathe in love and breathe out fear.

I know from my own experience and that of my clients that making this transition from fear to love can be so difficult on your own.

Having an outside, neutral observer can make all the difference to you achieving your goals and ultimate success.

A holistic empowerment coach like me can give you a different perspective of your life than anyone else and that can accelerate your clarity, awareness, and ability to let your highest self take the reins.

Leading with love starts with you.

If you are ready to make the leap from fear to love with a helpful guide on your side, I invite you to schedule a complementary Dynamic Inner Alignment Coaching Session.

During the session:

  • We’ll work together to create a crystal-clear vision for the life you’d like to have without all the stress and anxiety.
  • You’ll uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success at home and at work causing you to feel burnt out and exhausted.
  • And you’ll leave the session renewed, re-energized and inspired to finally feel empowered to make better decisions and take more soul-aligned actions once and for all.

Now is the time to stop living on the fear autopilot program and consciously choose the direction of your life.

With great respect and love,